Derailed

It's been well over a year since my last post. I have heard many stories of people training for a marathon and then not running for a year or two after...I never dreamed that would be part of my adventure too! But, the adventure brings many things our way, both unpleasant and wonderful and this past year or so has been one of the most difficult legs of the adventure of life that I have experienced so far.

After the half-marathon I did not run consistently for about a year. Something I never thought could happen.

But it did.

My life took a turn that I never thought possible.

 But it did.

Those of you who know me are aware of the situation that hit our family like a Tsunami. I will not go into details here. So, here I am, I have made it through the hardest part, weathered the worst of the storm. Life will never be the same for me, I will never be the same. Why do we do that? Why do we mourn the loss of "sameness". Things going back the being the same may not always be that good. Especially because the storm often comes unexpectedly because things were not as we thought they were. Would I want it to be the same? No. But I would not choose the way it has ended up and will always hope and pray that eventually full restoration from the storm will come. Unfortunately, effects of the storm are still being felt, and probably will be for some time...in fact for me for a very long time. I have learned to "move on" but that does not mean the pain or loss will ever disappear, no, it is a part of me now.

I have learned a lot about myself through this process. I have changed, mostly for the better. I do find myself a bit more contemplative, reflective and emotional, sometimes that is good, sometimes it is not. Sometimes it brings me to places I do not want to go and I have to snap out of it before I let it drag me down. I have learned what is important to me. I have learned to be more deliberate in letting my family know how much I love them. I also have learned how much we need each other, I need them, they are part of me.

I have also refreshed my mind on memorized scripture, and actually memorized new scripture to help me find peace and remind me of how much my God loves me. I need the reminder.

I am running again, every morning. My running has changed too. I am not passionate for it. Presently, running is my friend, it helps me remain healthy and strong. Every morning, at 5:50am when Mike and I head out the door to run 2.5 miles my brain fights with me and questions why I am doing this. But, I keep running. Just like I keep moving forward in life, whether times are fun are terrible, I keep going....after all, it's all part of the adventure...life is good.