Saying Goodbye to My Dad

Dad

There was a man, who called himself “Dr. Jer”,

He was six feet tall and didn’t like his hair.

He loved the ocean, to live on a boat,

On the way home from the mountains

 he bought me a root beer float.

He loved the adventure of traveling far,

whether by boat, plain, train, but not really by car.

He loved fine things like jewels, silver and silk suits,

But also was comfortable on the docks in his bathing suit.

He loved his wine, his beer, and “Oh”, his pretzels too!

And listening to jazz musicians play the blues.

He enjoyed a good joke and to laugh,

And I’m pretty sure he was good at math.

He didn’t fix cars or mow the lawn,

He arose by noon and went to bed sometime before dawn.

He loved golf and tennis to play,

and liked to watch sports just about any day.

He was ever ambitious, looking out for his next “Big deal”,

Inventive too, creating pizza-burgers to eat for a meal.

A lot of money he did manage to make

And only ate a “sliver”, never once a full piece of birthday cake.

He loved his grandchildren in a supportive way,

showing up to join them on important days.

He was a hard worker, sought after his dreams,

Finally found them in Anji, it seems.

We had some fun, some hard times as well,

many fond memories and stories to tell.

He collected ivory and fine art,

I love my dad,

He will forever be in my heart.

Yvonne M. Miller

Aug. 9, 2013

My dad passed away Saturday August 3, 2013, I will miss him dearly. We had a service in celebration of his life yesterday. It was so good to gather with family and friends and hear all the different ways he touched peoples lives. I wrote this poem and read it at the service, it had to be light-

My dad, his wife, Anji, my sister Denise and me

hearted or I couldn't have read it aloud with out serious tears. The strangest thing about all this is that I will never be able to see him again, talk to him on the phone, give him a hug. He's gone. I miss him already, no, I missed him already as soon as I heard the news.

Derailed

It's been well over a year since my last post. I have heard many stories of people training for a marathon and then not running for a year or two after...I never dreamed that would be part of my adventure too! But, the adventure brings many things our way, both unpleasant and wonderful and this past year or so has been one of the most difficult legs of the adventure of life that I have experienced so far.

After the half-marathon I did not run consistently for about a year. Something I never thought could happen.

But it did.

My life took a turn that I never thought possible.

 But it did.

Those of you who know me are aware of the situation that hit our family like a Tsunami. I will not go into details here. So, here I am, I have made it through the hardest part, weathered the worst of the storm. Life will never be the same for me, I will never be the same. Why do we do that? Why do we mourn the loss of "sameness". Things going back the being the same may not always be that good. Especially because the storm often comes unexpectedly because things were not as we thought they were. Would I want it to be the same? No. But I would not choose the way it has ended up and will always hope and pray that eventually full restoration from the storm will come. Unfortunately, effects of the storm are still being felt, and probably will be for some time...in fact for me for a very long time. I have learned to "move on" but that does not mean the pain or loss will ever disappear, no, it is a part of me now.

I have learned a lot about myself through this process. I have changed, mostly for the better. I do find myself a bit more contemplative, reflective and emotional, sometimes that is good, sometimes it is not. Sometimes it brings me to places I do not want to go and I have to snap out of it before I let it drag me down. I have learned what is important to me. I have learned to be more deliberate in letting my family know how much I love them. I also have learned how much we need each other, I need them, they are part of me.

I have also refreshed my mind on memorized scripture, and actually memorized new scripture to help me find peace and remind me of how much my God loves me. I need the reminder.

I am running again, every morning. My running has changed too. I am not passionate for it. Presently, running is my friend, it helps me remain healthy and strong. Every morning, at 5:50am when Mike and I head out the door to run 2.5 miles my brain fights with me and questions why I am doing this. But, I keep running. Just like I keep moving forward in life, whether times are fun are terrible, I keep going....after all, it's all part of the adventure...life is good.

San Francisco Half Marathon

Well, I am finally getting around to telling the tale of running my first half marathon on July 31, 2011, the San Francisco half marathon!

- excitement – anticipation - apprehension - joy – discouragement

- determination - exhaustion - relief - jubilation - contentment - pride –

These are many of the emotions I experienced before and during running my first half marathon. What an experience it was!

When we arrived in down town San Francisco to participate in our first half marathon, it was still dark. Mike and I had woken up at 4 am to drive into the city to be there for starting time. The weather was perfect and the mood was electric! Our designated starting section was a little behind and we actually ran to the starting line to make it on time. Then we passed the line and our first half marathon officially began!

The beginning of the run was pretty easy; it was flat and interesting as we ran past the Fisherman’s Wharf area. In fact Mike and I had to make sure we were running our predetermined pace and not going too fast, we didn’t want to run out of steam near the end of the 13.1 miles.

I was excited about running on the Golden Gate Bridge and was thrilled when I actually stepped foot on it. We had bumped into our friend Oscar and he ran with us over the bridge. There was no fog on this beautiful morning and our view was magnificent! The bridge, however, is much longer when running over it than when driving! Nonetheless, running across the Golden Gate Bridge is an experience I will always be very glad I was privileged to have.

After conquering the bridge, what we did not know is that we would be required to conquer hill, after hill, after hill, after hill, after…well you get the picture! We were feeling pretty good and our pace was right on pace to accomplish our goal of a finishing time of 2 hrs 30 minutes. Then we hit mile 10 ½ and things began to change. Our pace began to slow; the hills were getting to us. In fact at some point I declared that I had a new goal, to finish in 3 hours! Honestly, I was disappointed in myself; I had trained so hard and thought I would conquer this challenge with ease. This was not easy, it was hard. It took all that was inside me to trudge on. We kept running.

Then when we were getting near the finish line I could feel it, we turned a corner and headed up one last hill, and then we could see it! I am embarrassed to say and as silly as it may sound to seasoned runners, my mind seemed in a fog and all I could do was focus on crossing that finish line. I did not really know what was going on around me; I just stumbled over the line and was much relieved!

It was over, I did it! I was pretty contented that I had pushed through the difficulties and accomplished my goal, and only 11 minutes longer than my original time goal of 2hrs 30 minutes. I was proud to place the medal around my neck and wrap myself in a strange silver, superman cape that is customary (I learned) to sport after marathons with cooler climates. As we headed towards the bus to bring us back to the starting line I could not believe how tired and spent I was. Then I knew that I would never do it ever again.

It’s funny how time changes our minds. Two weeks after the race I was talking to some of my Snail’s Pace running comrades, they asked me when my next race was and I said that it would probably be next year sometime. And now, 2 ½ months later, I am seriously calculating how long it will be before I have enough time in my schedule (after graduating from Grad-school to be sure) to begin training for my first marathon!

Training for the San Francisco Half-Marathon

So, on my running adventures this past year-and-a-half, I have encountered many of my fellow runners who are “training” for their next race, marathon, ultra-marathon etc. I have been looking forward to the day that I am also actually “training” for an up-coming event. Well, the time has finally come that I am training for the San Francisco Half-Marathon on July 31st!

A couple months ago Mike and I embarked on our training. We began to extend our Saturday runs to 10 miles with the idea of going up to 13 so that we could experience the full mileage of the race. I must say that running 10 miles every Saturday is hard on one’s body. I began to get some serious knee pain that I had never had before. I would have to “ice” my knee all day Saturday and Sunday, not fun. Anyway, we have our half-marathon goal so we will “press on”!
As it turns out, life keeps happening, even if you have planned to run in your first half-marathon. If we would have known what the summer really had in store, we may have waited and ran a different one. Mike and I both ended up having a double-load of school this summer, meaning, Mike has four classes and I had three, in a span of 8 weeks!! Dillon and Megan got married at the end of June! This was wonderful and very fun, however, we did have to travel to Washington to enjoy the festivities. We were dedicated to our training and even ran 8 ½ miles on the Padon Parkway Trail in Vancouver, WA on the Friday before the wedding! (A beautiful trail, I might add). (I do not have a picture of us on the trail, but have added a picture of us at the wedding) Along with all the good and bad stressors came some physical battles with allergies and colds and knee pain, all rather exhausting to be honest.

As we come closer to the race (about 1 week away) I am gaining some relief from the stress of training I have felt. I am actually happy that tomorrow our training requires us to “taper-down” the week before the race meaning we will only run about 5 miles. This gives me peace. My knees will probably not require ice and a 5 mile run seems “easy’ to me at this point. I am looking forward to the half-marathon; it’s going to be great! However, I am surprised at myself for the many thoughts I am having about running these days.

I have had thoughts about how running is pretty hard; I could go to the gym 5 days a week and not experience the kind of knee pain I have experienced with running. I find that I have to be emotionally prepared to go the long distance; it is so difficult when I am emotionally taxed. I have thoughts about my future in running, do I love it as much as I used to? I love the results of it, but, it is very hard work. Mike has encouraged me by reminding me that when the race is over we will go back to our long run being 5 or 6 miles and that will seem pretty easy for us. He has reminded me that we will not feel so pressured and running will probably become more fun again, and certainly, our bodies will not have as many aches and pains!

It seems so strange to me, in some ways I am disappointed in those thoughts and feelings I have been having, as if somehow I have failed, failed to love the long-distance part of the sport that so many people adore. I have a dream to run in a marathon some day, a full marathon, but, I think that will have to wait until my schooling is done and I have a little less “on my plate” than I do now. I do not want to stop running, but this experience has caused me to see things in a new light. I will feel much more content to run 12 to 15 miles a week and know that someday I will run the full marathon, someday, but not now.

Two Months Later....

Brea 8k

First time running 10 miles in one day!

Well, my last Blog was over two months ago! I said that I would blog after my first race, and I did not.

Not long after the Brea 8k, on a Saturday morning run, I ran 10 miles for the first time ever! I was pretty happy about that, really, I will add my picture of that morning. I knew I would Blog about that too...but I did not

I must say, that these last two months have been rather stressful due to various circumstances in my life. I have had the kind of emotions flowing through me that have caused me to lose any desire to write. Today I write, even though I do not really "feel" like it in hopes to get a little out of this no-writing "funk". I think it is working.

Over the last couple months I have experienced quite a range of emotions regarding running. Honestly, I was a little disappointed with my first race, kind of a let down. I cannot put my finger on it, but, it just wasn't as fun as I had anticipated, that is one reason why I did not write about it, I did not want to admit to this. When a couple of weeks later I ran 10 miles that one Saturday (and could have kept going) I was elated and just couldn't wait till my next run. This past week I find my self at the opposite end, I have no desire to run. This is the first time since my running adventures began that I have literally not wanted to run. I ran on Monday, but only two miles. I ran on Tuesday, 4 miles, but my heart just was not in it. And today, I am not going to run due to a slight injury I am feeling in my leg, and I am glad not to run...that's a long cry from my total joy of running just a month ago.

I am sure things will change, I will want to run again, my heart will join me when I run. But, for right now, today, I will just keep on keeping on, I will run, probably not 10 miles, maybe not even 6, I won't quit though. The running adventures are about so much more than running, even more that fitness, the adventures are about life and wholeness. My friend Lori reminded me today of the hope I have in my God. He will get me through the difficult times in my life, He is my Hope. With His love, I am sustained. Through whatever difficulties I walk (or run) through, the adventure is all about God shaping me to be the person He wants me to be.

First Race!

As you know, my husband Mike and I embarked on our running adventures just over a year ago. Well, when we were volunteering at the Brea 8k, 2010, we said, “Next year we will run in this race!” Well, it’s now next year and we will be running in the Brea 8k on Sunday Feb. 27, 2011, our first race ever!

I am pretty excited about running in the Brea 8k this Sunday! As I look at the weather forecast, rain all Friday and Saturday…I hope and pray that it will be dry on Sunday! I really never envisioned my first race being in the rain; however, it will make a good story if it rains!

A running friend of mine asked if I had set any PR (personal record) goals for this race. The answer is “no”. This race is for the experience. I’ve heard that it is good just to run in your first race and get the experience, no pressure about PR’s, just enjoy the excitement of the race and the feeling of accomplishment, just have fun and enjoy. That is precisely what I intend on doing! Oh, and also enjoy the free food at the finish line…it is said that no other race has better food at the finish line than the Brea 8k!

I will blog again, very soon, perhaps on Sunday after the race to tell all about my first running race!

Some Days I Just Don't Feel Like Running

I have to admit it, some days I just don’t feel like running! I know, I know, with how much I talk about how running has changed my life and how I absolutely LOVE it, how can I say that sometimes I just don’t feel like running? Well, it’s just the truth and today was one of those days.
Yesterday I had a terrible headache, you know, one of those dreadful headaches that plague you all day and don’t seem to be affected by the administration of Advil and caffeine? Well, I am happy to report that the headache was gone when I woke up this morning! However, by this afternoon, it was threatening to return, and then I went to the orthodontist… The orthodontist worked on my braces and well, my jaw and teeth began to hurt. To top it off my tummy started bothering me! As I drove home I knew that I did not feel like running today. I knew I did not feel like running, but, I knew that I would run anyway.

There are several reasons for this assurance that even though I did not “feel” like running that I would go running. Firstly, I love running, I look forward to running and if I actually didn’t go I would regret it instantly. Secondly, I had already RSVP’d on our meet up site, people were expecting me. Thirdly, I had secured a ride with a friend and she was picking me up at 5:50pm. Then, as if I really needed another motivation, a friend texted me and asked me to tell everyone “Hi” for him since he was out of town and (obviously) couldn’t make it. So, as you probably guessed, I went.

When I arrived I could not stop yawning! Thursdays for some reason are my most difficult days for motivation for running. It seems that I am always so tired. Anyway, I ran. I was happy to see everyone and am so glad I went. One thing I did though is that I only ran 4 miles, not the 5.3 as planned. Why? Well, one of my running friends wanted to cut it short, so I happily agreed (remember, I had all these great excuses for my fatigue). So, I ran 4 miles today, on a day that I did not feel like running…and yes, as you have probably guessed…I so wish I had run 5.3! Oh, well, silly me!